Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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