How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
