Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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