honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
