oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
