My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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