i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
