My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
