My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
