$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
