I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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