Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
