OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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