the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
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