dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
