That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
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I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
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Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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