Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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