I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
