I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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