I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
