we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
