In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
