dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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