nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
