Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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