i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
