no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
