What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize