I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
