i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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