she was so not down for the gang bang
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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