Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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