Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
