hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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