just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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