What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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