did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
