Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
This house was built for laser tag.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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