And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
