come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
