Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
