Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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