I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
