I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
