I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
