I heard we made out
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
