Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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