While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
