She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
