clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
