wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
