Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
