i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize