Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
