did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
