Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE

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(925): View more from California

These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian

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(201): View more from New Jersey

So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...

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(503): View more from Oregon

I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.

(503): View more from Oregon

Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.

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(660): View more from Missouri

You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?

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(212): View more from New York

Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!

(1-212): View more from New York

That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.

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(970): View more from Colorado

He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt

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(916): View more from California

I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.

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