There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize