I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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