need another drink. this is the easiest way
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
