PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
