It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
