dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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