guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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