I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
