Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
