her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I deserve this hangover.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
