My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
