Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
