I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
