I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
one might say we're banned from that church
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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