I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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