Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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