I want to walk on stilts...naked
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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