if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
