My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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