he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
