My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I need a beard to bite.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
