planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
