who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
