just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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