Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
