i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
