When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
