i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
