I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
