I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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