there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
