This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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