My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I didn't notice because vodka
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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